The Freedom Fart Movement

The freedom to Fart
Is all I ask
Its beautiful and its serene
To let it out
With a sound
That rises from the pressure
To be fantastic not as a treasure

Undefinable yet Irreplaceable

He's right there. Holding me every step of the way. I have no proof to show. All I have is a whisper in my soul, the caressing wind , the understanding trees, the vigilant sky and the hopeful waters stretching the horizons to the impossible.
I'm consumed by this want, this endless search and his warmth that calms the storms in me .
I love you. That's all my soul screams. I love you no matter what.

Up and away

How do you know, who you are.  Are you this, are you that, I am just lazy to give examples.
Why is it so hard to live without knowing. Your brain, sorry not your brain. You are searching, searching for answers so deeply , so constantly , it sucks to an extent, cause instead of living , you are trying to analyse everything. Its like you get a new toy, and instead of playing with it, you  are literally opening it up and trying to figure out how its made. Well It came to this level , cause you broke the toy at some point not knowing how to use it properly. And it sucked , it pained like hell. why? Because the toy right now is you yourself. Hence the pain. Now figuring it out is a painstaking process. For one , if an app is in the development stage , rather the debugging stage it can't have any social connections without being deployed. The only connection it can have is with the back end. If you get into a full time figuring out process, you are literally in this stage where you will have absolutely no way to make connections. Odd as it may seem once you get in , there is no way out till you get it done.
       So lets talk about the connection we can have. That is going to be the only source of information in this figuring out process. Lets see , its a warm subtle voice, almost like a whisper but better. And all you want to do is be connected 24/7. Trust me , that is not how this works . You don't get to do what you want. You are the project to be figured out. The project doesn't get to decide how things are to be done based on what it wants, simply because of the fact that it doesn't have all the data to make the right decisions, which is why its here in the first place. So  how does this work. The back-end programmer which has access to the data base and stuff gets to decide. So whats your role?
Just to wait . To wait patiently. Listen intentively. Cause your life depends on it. And always know one thing. He will never give up on you. You matter to him more than anything.

A little less of me and a little more of you.

It's crazy. Damn crazy. Who knew right??. All this while the truth was right there, hiding in plain sight. Well, it wasn't hiding, it's just... I didn't know I would find it there. And here it is. Blowing up in my face saying I told you so. Well, I'm glad it did.

Poem: (From the movie: The shape of you)

Unable to perceive the shape of you.
I find you all around me.
Your presence fills my eyes with your love.
It humbles my heart.
For you are everywhere.


I'm glad it did.

I fell in love with a reflection of you.

I searched for you in the waters. I searched for the bright light that once shone with all its glory. I searched. Only now I blocked out the source and searched for you in the waters. I scraped at the wall searching for something to hold on to. Living in the lingering memories that were now just faded versions of each other.
Like a thousand mirrors reflecting one source of light.

I miss you even though you are here, beside me. I tried looking at the sun today, directly. It was too bright for my eyes to behold.

I  enjoyed it by looking at its reflection in the water.
I want to look at the sun, but I can't look at it without a surface that reflects it.
But I tend to fall in love with the surface because that's where I can always find it. But what good is the surface if it doesn't reflect.
Whom I am in love with??
Who matters?
The surface is nothing without the sun. But if there is no surface I can't see the sun.

HIM

That one person, you can't but helplessly love to an extent that you are ready to suffer for him.
Well this line explains it all. By now you already know the direction this post is heading in. Why? Well I guess because you too have had that someone in your life who plays this exact same role.

If you are already familiar with this topic, why should I write about it? Well for the simple fact that we can never stop talking about it. Just like in the case of any movie , wherein it ain't complete without at least an ounce of love, our hearts , minds and soul always long for this one thing, only this one thing. LOVE.

But what happens when almost your whole source of love comes only from one person. Without him you die, and with him you fly. What happens? It is indeed magical and immeasurably beautiful when you trust someone completely .

If the light is so bright because of HIM, it frightens me to think about how dark it would be without HIM. Yes there cannot be a "without HIM" situation, yet what if you are made to think that there is a " without HIM" situation. What if circumstances proves to you that this exists. While he is helplessly hoping you would trust HIM, you are dying because of an illusion.

And when the illusion has been overcome , when he fights his way back to you , when he makes you believe again that he never left and when you finally see the true story, what joy would fill your heart. To be resurrected from the dead. To be saved from an illusion that destroyed everything.

Never to be apart ever again, for love has overcome the worst of nightmares. Love has won just as it promised it would. 

I'll just admit it.

I realized one thing, the most easiest way to make words flow out of your mind onto a piece of paper is to just write the truth without any filter, without any thought about tactic, procedure and all of the hi-fi stuff you learn while majoring in literature.

I usually write when I feel very deep emotions. Right now I'm feeling a mixture of anger and sadness all because of love and its deep. So to make this energy flow in a constructive way, hopefully....i decided to write about it.

Keeping this in mind (no filters) I'll start.

Well, i guess I just can't start. How could I possibly put this in words.These deep feelings feel like they are tearing me apart. But I'm told to trust that they are actually going to lead to something happy. "Pain is the only way" or so I'm told. Told by whom you ask? Well by experience.

Its so painful, I feel like crashing glasses. I've heard so many people get heart attacks and what not. Why is it that they are lucky? Look at me.......I wouldn't mind it. As it is I'm dying on the inside emotionally, mentally.. why not physically? Then at least people would know how painful it is.

Okay, don't get me wrong.....I'm not completely suicidal. I don't intend on dying and leaving this world permanently. No that clearly ain't my wish. I just want to know, if he would feel anything, something if he was told that I might no longer be there. Well I do have this strong faith that, he will feel it. He will know what I'm feeling, he will find it.

So I'm probably hoping that, he can save me only if he wants to. Without him, I don't have any reason to live. Call me stupid, I don't mind. After thinking in all logical ways, (and I'm a very logical person) I  settled for this. So trust me when I tell you, this is how it is. He is the reason I live . I have no life without him.