What is really at stake, when you love that one person so much? So much , that he is the one who showed you what is it like to be in the light when you never even knew that you were in complete darkness.
Without him, you never would have found out, what it really is like to live to the fullest.
You are so excited, and you feel so blessed . You decide to give it your all. You can't help but love unconditionally, trust completely, fall unintentionally in love with him. You believe so much in this love, that not for a quarter of a second can you ever not believe in this love. This love is the only thing that has defined who you are, that has given meaning and purpose to your life. You are so very deeply in love.
And then one day, you unexpectedly, unintentionally, hurt this love. And you cannot forgive yourself. You cry day and night. You plead for forgiveness , but nothing can be heard. Your life is now at a turn where regret has taken over. You spend the days criticizing and accusing yourself, wondering if you are ever worthy of forgiveness. All you can do is wait, not knowing for how long, cry till that little energy you have is exhausted.
And then one day, it feels like its gonna be the day of salvation. It feels like you have been forgiven and that everything will go back to the way it was. Circumstances and situations tell you that , this is it. No more suffering. Only love.
He is standing right there , the love of your life. The love that taught you to fly when you could barley walk.And now , when you were drowning in regret, he has come back to save you , to fix you, and to take you on his wings and fly high.
You believe that this is what is going to happen when you feel that he is trying to come to you indirectly, after all this while. So you gather up your courage and go to him. You are ready to take on any punishment. He welcomes you. You cry to him. He is surprised. He wonders and asks you, "what are you talking about"? You tell him everything, about how he has brought meaning to you life, and he laughs. You try to make him recall the instances , those moments that were so special to you and to him. But he doesn't remember anything.
He doesn't know what you are talking about."I've never felt that love",he says, and with those words, your whole world comes crashing down. You feel numb, you can't move. Everything you believed to be true suddenly proves to never have existed, the only thing you counted on, that defined you and gave meaning to your life , just told you that it never even existed.
Questions fill your mind, like water rushing out of a broken dam. And this burning fire , the kind that kills you , not lifts you up has taken the place , where once something, of immeasurable beauty existed.
You can feel it burning you to the core, killing every ounce of joy, hope, and love that ever existed.
All you can do is watch yourself helplessly burn down in flames.
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